The Things We Should Not Do.

1. Talk to your ex (who fucked you over).

2. Agree to a fling with a friend.

3. Chat up girls who are too good for you on the internet.

4. Think anyone is ‘too good’ for you..

I can’t even remember how my ex came back into my life. The moment was clearly not spectacular. We spoke a bit over Valentines weekend, which was a great weekend for me – I got sent love without having to give any – my ex seemed to be spending her days in bed, drinking, feeling a little dark. Eventually curiosity got the better of me and I looked at Facebook and lo and behold, she’s no longer with the boy she strayed with.

But the feels are not there. I’m not going back. You don’t choose a sleazy try-hard emo kid over your ‘soulmate’ of 4+ years and get another chance. Trust me.

And I should not sleep with my friend, but I will. I havent yet worked out if its because I don’t care at all, or because I am sadder than I let myself admit.

Cut to me saying this was a TERRIBLE idea a week later…

My confidence is pretty low right now. I don’t think anything destroys your self esteem as violently as being cheated on. So I’m giving my big talk to this absolute stunner, who I have only ‘met’ on social media so far (but she’s not far away). We’ve briefly talked about sex and seem to have a similar.. style? But do I have the balls to back up what I’m saying..? I feel meek, my ego is bruised. In my mind I’m pinning her down by the throat and whispering terrible things in her ear, in person I’ll probably make her a cup of tea and ask her about her childhood. Not hot.

In other news, I got home from work today, ran a bath and laid in it for 2 hours sipping Baileys on the rocks. Also had a few tokes of a smoke a friend gave me a couple of weeks ago. I hate baths, dont really drink and I don’t smoke (except occasionally with partners – flashbacks of summer ’16, I was seeing this beautiful woman while house sitting for friends and we would get high, have amazing conversations on the trampoline and then wild sex all over their house).. But I promise you this is not a slippery slope 😉 it was a stressful week work-wise and to soak, sip and inhale a little bit of calm was actually needed. I have a feeling this weekend isn’t going to be stress-free.

I wonder why I can’t just cut people out and be happy.